“Such a cute baby, where did you get her?”

“This is such a good thing you are doing.”

“My friends were lucky, they got a white baby.”

Born in Germany in the 1960s to war-traumatized parents, Martina Dahlmanns grew up in middle class suburbia, surrounded by loaded silences and unacknowledged prejudice. But she believes she’s left those prejudices behind when, in her thirties, she moves to South Africa and becomes the adoptive mother of three black children.

Unable to answer increasingly difficult questions from her eldest, Lele, Martina turns to a community dialogue group. There, she meets Tumi Jonas-Mpofu, a young black woman from Gugulethu, whose friendship will define Martina’s life and force her to reckon with the enduring impact of her privilege.

This timely and deeply personal memoir is a celebration of chosen family—but beyond that, it is an acute examination of the legacy of racism in adoption.